Monthly Archives: Decembrie 2008

2009

There are two hours until 2009. Quick. I have to make a list of wishes. I hope God has a good connection to the internet. So…

I want 2 smile a lot, t0 meet new people, to c0mmunicate more with the old ones and to feel free … free as this 9 in this post. (could’t find a smart connection :D)

HAPPY NEW YEAR, TO EVERYBODY !!!

Anunțuri

feelings

I met her in a club. I wasn’t feeling good at all. My stomach heart. She started to speak with me. Silly subjects. At some point she asked about my sign of the zodiac. To stop all the talking, I kissed her. She said it was a very sweet gesture. I thought not, but didn’t contradict her.

We started to meet. The first date, I postponed it. I had forgotten about a football match that I was planning on going. She got mad (told me later), but still agreed to meet a day later. We were a good match, I was thinking. I began to like her more and more. She had a lot of energy, ellegance and was a pretty smart. Soon I had found out she just broke up with her boyfriend. He was cheating on her.

After half a year, we changed roles. I was the one chassing after her. She had other plans, old ones. To go at her relatives, in a foreign country, very far from our country.

My decision: we break up, never speak again. She wanted to still be friends, I was afraid not to be heart everytime I saw her. We stopped seeing or speaking eachother ever since.

Happy ending (not for me): she wasn’t able to emigrate. She then got back with her ex. They have a baby and plan the wedding.

How I feel abou it: happy, sincerly happy, … that she is happy, or at least I hope she is. angry … on her, that she used me for revange and to regain confidence. mad … on me, that I haven’t fought ‘till the end, to be sure that it wasn’t any chance of being togheter. gratefull … I loved for the first time and was so unlikely selfish for me by protecting my feelings.

why?

Why am I not brave enough and think always at consequences?

Why have I lost my dreams and feel my soul like an empty sea?

Why do I hate all those who call themselves intelectuals (and use expressions like … soul empty as a sea 🙂 ) and try to make everything to show their superiority?

Why do I miss my ex-girlfriend, who broke my heart and got back with her ex?

Why do I get emotional at bad movies and seem addicted to the feelings they give me?

Why do I worry so much?

Why am I so naive with people whose fakeness I know so well?

Why have I lost so many good friends, that were offended by my lack of availability?

Why do I have existential issues?

Why do I ask myself so many questions?

Why … not!

I like to believe that to struggle is one step away from every problem.

winter memories

Hi5, messenger, iPods, mobile phones, play-stations. That’s the world of kids and teenagers this days. Their life is attached to the internet. How about games and real interaction with other people? I speak like a granfather, i know :-). But when i was a kid things were a little different. It was not easy. I lived as a kid the last years of communism. You had to sit for hours in lines so you can get a few oranges. Same for cheese, or meat. There was only one tv program, the public one, and that one just for a few hours a day. My parents were at work untill 4.00 pm. In these days, i was enjoing the winter vacation. We were a lot of kids at the block. We used to get togheter from the morning. Played football, for hours and hours. Or many other games … When it was snowing, it was even better. No eating, no nothing. Just playing, and laughing. Our parents were finding us at the playground. That meant a short stop. After eating and changing (in some prettier clothes), in the evening, it was time for chasing girls. We walked through the entire neighbourhood. Loud speaking, making bad jokes. When it was late we came back to the block. Warming up in the hall, bragging about what we’ve done the entire day, fighting with the neighbours who complained about our noise. I used to fall asleep listening to music on the radio. That i still do :-). The rest i miss. Now it’s time for work, projects, money, being polite with everybody… Today it’s the first day at work, after a six days vacation.

a night of questions

Last night i felt like shit. I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I just stood in my room and think. At all the bad choices i made so far. All my thoughts stumbled on each other. It’s a good feeling though. This vacation from work gives me time to put some order in my mind. There are moments when i hate everything. The job, the people around me… I feel like there is so much pressure on me. To do well at work, to not dissapoint. What about me?! About my dreams and pleasures. Maybe i should think more on me. This is a good resolution for next year. After all the thinking, still not sleepy. Two movies („Le Choc” with Alain Delon and Catherine Deneuve and an italian comedy, „Scusa ma ti chiamo amore”) sorted out the problem. Slept like a baby from 3.00 am till 12.00. In the morning … or better, afternoon, it was all better. Went shopping … and freezing. So cold in Bucharest !! But still no snow.

give me a break !!

„Why are you not married at 28 years???” A question i hear so often latelly. It drives me crazy. That’s the favourite subject to all my relatives. It looks like they have been trained by 007. „But who she is? Where she works? How much she earns?…” They are so persistant!! I almost burst, but no. Nothing can’t stop them. Ok. I undestand. Most of them are well intentioned. In their times this is an age at which you were supposed to have already a family and kids. But i think that my life it’s my life. I am the one to decide when to make this step. And most important, with whom to make it. Cause i would like it to be a one time only experience.

christmas dinner

christmas means a lot of food and drinks for the romanian people. the biggest dinner of the year. five-six dishes, the fats, the wine… i forgot to tell.  all the traditional food is based on pig meat and other organs. i basicly hate pretty much of this food. 🙂

the dinner has one other condition. it must be enjoied along with all the family. aunts, uncles and others whom you’ve seen so little the rest of the year. basicly you eat ‘til drop out of your feat. ambulances are one service that you could bet it doesn’t have a break this time of the year.
don’t get me wrong. it’s not that bad at all. family gatherings shows you that you are part of a family.  also it shows you that you need an urgent diet 🙂